he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
