Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
