I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
