If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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