how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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