he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
