can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
