Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
