Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
