I wish my penis had an off switch
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize