So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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