I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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