did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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