we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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