apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
