I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
