im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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