Cold hands, warm shart.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
