I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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