tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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