I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
