I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
