Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
