If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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