please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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