I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
