Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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