"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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