and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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