I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
