ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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