i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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