The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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