a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I FOUND THE LEGS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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