Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
