I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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