is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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