Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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