I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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