Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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