I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
