So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
