its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
