note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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