We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Everclear isn't food dammit
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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