you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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