They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
