Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
