Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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