My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
