I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
