kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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