I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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