Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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