Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
