the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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