I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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