He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish you could order shots online.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
