I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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