she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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