I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Welp...herpes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
