this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!