Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
high people should be assigned attendants
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.