Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
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so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!