my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.