the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dating After Heartbreak
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.