Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap

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  (603): just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap http://tfl.nu/im6h
  Replies (11) Good night (2415) Bad night (761)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear

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  (856): i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear http://tfl.nu/g1ju
  Replies (28) Good night (3913) Bad night (500)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

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  (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5
  Replies (34) Good night (10659) Bad night (1419)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

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  (612): we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour. http://tfl.nu/nwj9
  Replies (11) Good night (4380) Bad night (1314)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."

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  (828): I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke." http://tfl.nu/rseq
  Replies (48) Good night (1347) Bad night (9777)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.

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  (802): lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships. http://tfl.nu/002a
  Replies (10) Good night (1976) Bad night (991)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  there not mine if that helps

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  (717): why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter (1-717): there not mine if that helps http://tfl.nu/k00a
  Replies (6) Good night (2254) Bad night (874)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

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  (412): He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to. (412): Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali. http://tfl.nu/ulfo
  Replies (9) Good night (2250) Bad night (711)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.

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  (262): Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink. http://tfl.nu/n6v7
  Replies (14) Good night (3340) Bad night (716)
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  (626): View more from California

  Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.

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  (626): Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here. http://tfl.nu/81th
  Replies (3) Good night (2007) Bad night (693)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left

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  (208): I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left http://tfl.nu/jhm7
  Replies (4) Good night (1034) Bad night (432)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.

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  (229): Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now. http://tfl.nu/61qu
  Replies (8) Good night (1248) Bad night (557)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.

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  (908): After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher. http://tfl.nu/fy1c
  Replies (6) Good night (512) Bad night (1764)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  RESPECT THE VODQUILA

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  (206): I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again (1-206): RESPECT THE VODQUILA http://tfl.nu/on0c
  Replies (4) Good night (1342) Bad night (527)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud

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  (718): I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud http://tfl.nu/ci86
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (235)

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