yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Houston, we have a blender
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.