i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
