So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
