Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
