You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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