I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
