3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
