she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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