I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
