'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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