I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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