I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
areolas are like halos for boobs.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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