so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
