I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
