I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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