Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
