cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize