My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
