I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
